naked as we came

where can I find them?  the other mad souls?  they are all around us and nowhere to be seen.  they duck in and out of the light and only reveal themselves when they feel comfortable enough to say what I've been thinking this entire time.  there are some, I have found, who don't go back into the shadows, rather, let their emotions shine for all the world to see.  I struggle every day to keep myself in the sunshine.

so here I am, words full of passion and a head full of insecurity.  everything and nothing at the same time, a mindless speck in the chronology of time's inevitable path.  there is something painfully beautiful and deeply painful about that part of all of it.  but still I soldier on, searching for the other ones who hide nothing, and revel in the notion that no matter how different we are, we all leave this world the way we came into it....

The Promise of a Man

Today ended up being one of those perfect days that you weren't expecting.  In the course of trying to stay awake enough to be a mother, I stumbled upon the most beautiful energy I had forgotten was out there.  Spending time on the swing with my oldest friend and our children was the realest and happiest I've felt in a long time.  Had the world ended right then, where we were was alright with us.  There's something to be said about how uncertain the last day we spend on earth will be.  Taking the time to make sure that every moment you spend here makes you feel that happy is the only way you can wrap your head around having to leave all this behind at some point.  This place is pretty amazing.

Which made me start thinking about going to the Springs yesterday and the incredibly ungrateful gaggle of heathens that left all of their trash strewn about the shore and floating in the water I was trying to relax in.  Who would be so inconsiderate to sully my place of peace?  Those people, that's who.  It's rude and I will not stand for it.  And even as I walked around picking up their garbage (which definitely included a dirty diaper), I held this notion that these people had no idea how sacred that place is to me and it made me feel very sad for their children.  What we leave behind says a lot about who we are and those kids have hardly a fair shot at ending up being decent people with role models like that.  Take care of the world and people around you and everything that sucks about this world would be pretty close to not existing anymore.

In spite of all of this, I still carry this feeling that maybe one day, my hope in mankind will be restored....a girl can dream.

So, as I lay here on the pallet I've made for me and the boy, he is watching Shrek and I am listening to Mr. Neil Young on my headphones all while carrying this feeling that tomorrow may or may not be here when I wake up, but my smile most certainly will be.

Only love in this house

So I have decided that instead of continuing to express my sadness at the rate at which our society is deteriorating before my very eyes, I will focus on all the positive things that have happened to me in the last year to offset all the hate in the air right now:

My eyes changed color last year....it's the strangest thing.  I always wanted hazel eyes and now I got 'em!  Proof that if you stop taking shit from people, your eyes will stop being brown.

This morning, I put my belt I've had since right after I had Tristan on and whereas it used to be on the 4th hole, it is now on the first.  Bitch be gettin' skinny!  Hey-yo!

Tristan started talking more.....he has always had a mastery level of the word "no" but in the last 5 months, he has really started repeating more......note to self:  stop using the word "fuck" so much.

Tristan's hair grew back out which is awesome because his head is way too block-shaped to pull off a backyard sheep-shear buzzcut.  Not a good look on him.

I moved to the 78703 zip code.  Rockin' because now I can walk to go get a martini if I want to.   This has always been a dream of mine.  Plus I got a rad patio with a manfridge on it so I can be lazy and not have to come inside to get another beer.  Now if only I could put a bathroom out there.

I got rid of 2 pieces of baggage I should have a long time ago.  We will just say that losing about 400 pounds of asshole feels good.

My bangs grew out....and I learned how to french braid my hair in less than 5 minutes.

I finally got rid of those stupid sunspots so my tan is looking extra fly this summer!

My best friend from childhood finally came back into my life.  Missed that crazy girl.

I have finally come to terms with the fact that I will always be this short so I stopped wearing heels.

I got into the Journalism school at UT.

I got published more than 10 times last year.

I finally named my photography business something that wasn't generic.  This was huge---a big thank you to Robyn and Mattie for helping a sister out on that one (and Barton Springs for providing the beautiful setting for our brainstorming session).

I went to Barton Springs and found out what all the fuss was about.

Somebody got me a record player and now I can listen to Stardust as much as my little heart desires.

I hugged more, laughed more, loved more, sang more, danced more, created more, smiled more, conquered more, learned more, gave more and took less in the last year than I have in any others that I can remember.